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Wednesday, January 18, 2017

  • Tuesday, January 17, 2017 4:00 AM
    Notes scribbled on the back of an old economics paper . . .
    * * * 
    THE CHALLENGE ’17 is under way and I’m pleased to report this is the largest group we have had in the event’s three-year history. And what a group it is! We have young to not-so-young, and some who appear to be in pretty decent shape to . . . well, let’s just say I know how they feel. As I often tell folks, been there, outgrew the T-shirt.
    Starting soon in your favorite Montgomery County daily, we’ll publish standings with how this group is doing in terms of both weight loss and money raised. If you wish to toss in some financial support I’m sure the participants would appreciate it. But if you would be kind enough to lend some emotional support, a few words of encouragement would really help a lot!
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  • Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:00 AM
    I don’t know why it’s tough to find good sales people these days, but it sure feels like it. Whether it’s here at the world-wide HQ of the media empire that houses the little newspaper that could or at some of the many fine businesses around us, hiring managers tell me it’s a lot harder than it used to be.
    Of course we are currently looking for really good sales staff (Know of someone? Call me!) and I was deeply lost in thought on where to look when the phone suddenly rang and startled me out of a mound of resumes.
    “The Paper. Timmons,” I answered. (Yes, we professional news types are men of few words.)
    “This here’s Mr. Trump’s executive administrative supervisory director of media,” the voice on the other end said.
    “This here’s”?
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  • Tuesday, December 27, 2016 4:00 AM
    Here’s hoping your Christmas was a great one. Here’s hoping that Santa was good to you and yours. Here’s hoping that those family gatherings were wonderful. Here’s hoping that you thoroughly enjoyed those delicious Christmas feasts. Here’s hoping none of it made any difference in pants or dress sizes.
    And that’s where “hoping” usually crashes head-on into a brick wall!
    That’s the thing with our weight challenges, isn’t it? We talk ourselves into a little bit here, a little bit there. We lie to ourselves and say that we’ll hit the treadmill tomorrow. We fool ourselves with the “promise” to do something about that extra weight “next” week.
    You know the story though. “Next” week never really gets here. How do I know? Because I had years of “next weeks” and even though it was obvious to everyone except yours truly, I gained pound after pound until the scales waved at 300 as it rolled by on my “weigh” to an all-time high of 305.
    Trust me, I know how it feels.
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  • Tuesday, December 20, 2016 4:00 AM
    ‘Twas the Tuesday before Christmas but don’t go too far
    There are plenty of presents you can get at Big R

    Little eyes are prying as we worry about stealth
    That’s why we trust friendly Franciscan Health
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  • Tuesday, December 13, 2016 4:00 AM
    He coughed.
    I couldn’t believe it. On a quiet Saturday morning, rather than just appearing in my doorway and scaring the living daylights out of me, John Hammer coughed . . . and let me know he was there without the usual heart attack.
    He had a present in his hands as well. We both knew from the nice ribbon and elaborate bow on top that he didn’t wrap it. 
    “Just wanted to drop this off,” he shrugged. The missus thought you and your family might enjoy it.”
    “Thank you so much, John,” I managed. He didn’t know it but his would be delivered at his house any day. “Got big plans for the holidays?” I asked.
    “Nah,” he rumbled. “We’re right where we want to be.”
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  • Tuesday, December 06, 2016 4:00 AM
    Hard to believe that we are gearing up for our third year of The Challenge. Harder to believe than that is the fact that I haven’t regained all those pounds I’ve lost.
    Some people say that’s a good thing. (“Some people” being defined as my wife, my daughters, my heart doc, my regular doc, people who know me well and generally anyone I have much contact with.)
    For those not familiar with The Challenge, here’s the scoop and why it might be important to you. First off, it’s a local version of The Biggest Loser television show – or a group of people who go through a workout program and compete to see who can lose the most weight. Our twist is that we raise money while we do it with the proceeds going to a good cause – this year our community’s youth through an expanded Newspapers in Education program and a swimming program to teach potentially life-saving skills to deserving youth. The Challenge ’17 winner, or the person who loses the largest percentage of their body weight, walks away with $500 cash money!
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  • Tuesday, November 29, 2016 4:00 AM
    Don’t know about you but work just seems, I don’t know, busier than it used to be. Granted, I never had a three-martini lunch. But I did used to play golf. On company time. And my boss knew. He encouraged it. That’s back from the era of secretaries and punching out at 5 p.m. on the dot.
    Those days are long gone.
    Maybe that’s why I love Saturday mornings in the office. The pace is slower and I can turn on some tunes and enjoy the genius that is Roger Miller. What? Scoff if you must, but have you ever considered the brilliance behind lyrics that told us we can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd? Just saying.
    At any rate, I was deep into the third or fourth verse of do-wacka-do (Google it) and was in rare voice when, you guessed it, John Hammer appeared in the doorway like a dark cloud blotting out the sun.
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  • Reflections on the season of giving thanks
    Tuesday, November 22, 2016 4:00 AM
    It doesn’t seem possible that Thursday is Thanksgiving. It sure didn’t seem remotely like it a week ago when temperatures were in the 70s. I guess the recent dip in the mercury with a few of the white flakes flitting about helped bring the reality around.
    Truth to tell, I could live without the reminders. But I digress.
    More truth to tell, I have much to be thankful for. I think many of us do, even if we don’t always realize it. So I thought I’d list a few of the things that I’m thankful for and would love it if you would share the same back. 
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  • Election Day was the time to pick winner
    Tuesday, November 15, 2016 4:00 AM
    Blame it on the everybody-deserves-a-trophy crowd.
    This isn’t a rant about these inane protests over Trump winning the election. It’s not even a rant on the equally inane ramblings of leftist-liberals who’s heads are stuck so far up their posteriors that they can’t even accept a perfectly legal outcome.
    No siree, Bob. 
    Today’s ramblings stem from the fact that we have far too many idiots out there who apparently believe they get to pick and choose who they recognize as leaders AFTER THE ELECTION.
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  • Go out and vote . . . today’s your last chance
    Tuesday, November 08, 2016 4:00 AM
    Notes scribbled on the back of an Allan Sherman book . . .
    Did you vote? If so, good for you! If not, I hope you are reading this while the polls are still open. I’m not often in the habit of telling people to stop reading my ramblings, but hey, stop reading my ramblings and go vote. Now.
    What? You want to know who you should vote for? Well I did indeed cast my ballot already and can attest to the fact that “none of the above” was not a choice. So, my friend, you are on your own. 
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  • Thoughts on election and IWA funding
    Tuesday, October 25, 2016 4:00 AM
    The election is two weeks away and a quote from Gerald Ford keeps rattling around the cobwebs between my ears: “Our long national nightmare is over.”
    At least that’s what I hope. It’s nice to think that when the hanging chads clear there will be an obvious victor and the country will unite behind our new president.
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  • Have a spooky good time touring downtown
    Tuesday, October 18, 2016 4:00 AM
    Our History-Mystery Tour started back in 2007. It hasn’t been produced every single year (we give it a rest every few years), so this isn’t the 10th time your favorite little Montgomery County daily has brought forth the tales of the macabre to downtown C’ville.
    However, it is our seventh time and seven’s supposed to be a lucky number. Since Halloween is certainly the season for superstition, we’ll go with that and predict that this will be our best year ever.
    No idea what I’m talking about? Where have you been since 2007? The History-Mystery Tour is an entirely original work produced by the little elves and gnomes who hide in the rafters of our worldwide HQ in beautiful downtown Crawfordsville. Yup, back in 2006 and 2007, they were hard at work in our wonderful local library researching those spooky and eerie events from Montgomery County’s wonderful past (and they got a HUGE amount of help from the librarians!). 
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  • Are you man or woman enough . . .
    Tuesday, October 11, 2016 4:00 AM
    Catchy headline, huh? But maybe the more appropriate question is, are you tired of being maybe a little more than enough?
    Do you get tired just thinking about exercising? Does the scales snicker when you step out of the shower? Or worse, does it cringe when you approach? Do the waiters at the all-you-can-eat-buffet give you dirty looks when you walk in? Do your clothes all have elastic in the waistbands?
    Trust me, I know how it feels. Been there, done that . . . and outgrew my T-shirts.
    So friends, have we got a deal for you!
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  •  Answers are simple, but not easy
    Tuesday, October 04, 2016 4:00 AM
    In 1970, The Temptations released a record (remember those?) that rose to No. 3 on the charts. The title was Ball of Confusion. The first words went like this . . . 
    “People moving out
    People moving in
    Why, because of the color of their skin.”
    It went on to talk about segregation, humiliation, cities on fire, gun control, politicians asking for more taxes, fear, suicides, tension everywhere . . . 
    Sound familiar? Hard to believe those lyrics are 46 years old.
    And how about 140 years?
    Just down the street from the world-wide HQ of our little media empire, Gen. Lew Wallace penned one of the top selling books of all time, Ben-Hur. Near the beginning of the story Gen. Ben has the three wise men sitting around talking before they head off in search of baby Jesus. 
    “The enemy of man is man, my brother,” one said to the other two.
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  • How long can race be an issue?
    Tuesday, September 27, 2016 4:00 AM
    (EDITOR’S NOTE: This column first appeared in The Paper in July of 2010. It is being reprinted today in its entirety. Mr. Timmons will have a follow-up column next week on the subject as well. This is in connection to a column written by Paper Sports Editor David K. Jones last week.)

    How long can it possibly be an issue?
    From the inane statements that one idiot’s actions should bring an end to Indianapolis’ Black Expo to the idea that a USDA employee had to resign because of the fallout over a racially motivated act she said she did 24 years ago, race is in the news
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