Bold local predictions for 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013 9:00 PM
Remember Jeane Dixon, the psychic who used to dazzle us with her predictions? You could find her sometimes on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show or the pages of a supermarket tabloid. I don't know if her spirit reached out to me or if maybe the Bubbling Caldron was dabbling in news, but I woke the other night with chilling visions and predictions for 2014 . . . or maybe it was the moonshine I got for Christmas . . . Whatever it was, it sent me scurrying for my notepad and the following. Proceed with caution.
Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears most Tuesdays in The Paper. Timmons is the publisher of The Paper and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Zoning / No Zoning debate will reach a crescendo in the coming year. The Nozoners get a great laugh when 16 Knowzoners are arrested for stealing signs that say No Zoning. Montgomery County Sheriff Mark Casteel said they wouldn't have been caught except the 1972 Chrysler station wagon they were driving became so weighted down because of all the signs that the back bumper was creating a light show from all the sparks off the pavement.
Newly appointed Judge Heather Perkins Dennison told the gang of 16 that if they would put the signs back where they found them they could all avoid a jail sentence. The next day, complaints flooded Casteel's office because even though the signs were back, they had all been repainted to say KnoW Zoning.
In a story in The Paper, Judge Heather was quoted as saying, "Kids. What are you going to do with them?"
To the absolute shock of everyone, Purdue President Mitch Daniels will convince the university board of trustees to buy Crawfordsville's Commerce Park and use it as a subdivision to Purdue's own technology park.
"We have a number of projects and programs we're working on in cooperation with Indiana University," Daniels said. "While these are worthwhile, we didn't want the IU connection to turn into what would essentially be a 'watering down' of Purdue programs, so we decided to keep them about 30 miles away."
Daniels later said that he was misquoted when someone asked him if IU was the real "red menace" he had written about in his book. "With that football team?" Daniels laughed. "Are you kidding me?"
The widening split in the Montgomery County arm of the Republican Party will come to a head sometime around the May primaries.
At issue will be warring sides each claiming to be real Republicans.
County Commissioner Jim Fulwider said that he was hiring local dentist John Walker. "Health is a big part of politics and your mouth and teeth are a big part of your health. We're going into the time of year with primaries that are really stressful and Doc was kind enough to volunteer his time. We really are glad to have him."
"Big deal," GOP Chair John Pickerill grumbled. "Didn't do you a whole lot of good in that softball game against the police now, did it?"
There is a sense, however, that the two sides might make amends. In the vision I could see Pickerill and a figure whose face I couldn't make out walking toward a teepee. I felt like they were going there to smoke a peace pipe. Could it be that the vision was foreshadowing a healing of the rift?
We'll never know. When they got to the teepee and pulled back the flap to go inside a gazillion zoning signs tumbled out.
It only proves that 2014 is going to be one interesting year.