Yes Virginia, there is a Hammer
Monday, December 10, 2012 9:00 PM
I am 28 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no John Hammer.
My smartphone app says if I read it in The Paper of Montgomery County it must be true so please sir, tell me the truth, is there a John Hammer?
Proud Southmont graduate
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by texts, tweets and e-mails. They do not believe except what they read on the Internet. They think that nothing can be which is not listed in Wikipedia or viewed on youtube.
Yes, Virginia, there is a John Hammer. He exists as certainly as waste, greed and arrogance exist in our government. Alas, how dreary would be the world if there were no John Hammer. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no questioning of authority, no lack of patience for wasteful government, no common sense to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment from reading the directness of John Hammer as he cuts through the political babble and doubletalk. The eternal light of hope that Hammer provides just when we think we've had all we can take from CNN would be extinguished.
Not believe in John Hammer! You might as well not believe in bleeding heart liberals! You might get your smartphone app to monitor everything produced from CNN, ABC, the New York Times and Rolling Stone but what would that prove? Just that idiots are everywhere. Nobody sees John Hammer but that is no sign that there is no John Hammer. The most real things in the world are those that liberals refuse to see.
You may tear apart a two-income household, Virginia and look inside. You would find a man and woman happily raising a family. You would find that they work not just 40 hours but more because that's what it takes in today's world to survive. You would see how they not only work more hours than lawmakers who leave Indiana and hide in Illinois, but that they spend time in their community. They go to church. Their kids are active in school. They are part of the PTA, service groups and so on. But Virginia, you will be told that those people are not happy. You will be told that they are miserable because that's what some in government and the media would have you believe. The most real things in the world are those that the liberals refuse to see.
No John Hammer! Thank God he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now he will continue to be the bane of bad politicians' existence. He will continue to question the absurd and remind us all of our roots and values from which we once came. John Hammer is as real as you are Virginia. He lives in each one of us every time we get disgusted with the news, every time a politician lies. John Hammer lives in our hearts when we look around and can't recognize the world we live in now compared to the one we grew up in.
Yes, Virginia, there is a John Hammer. And we thank Honest Hoosier for him every day.
Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears most Tuesdays in The Paper. Timmons is the publisher of The Paper and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.