Well, this past year has been just great, hasn't it? What I expected to be another "normal" year turned out to have lots of surprises, twists, and turns. And every day that I surveyed the news, it seemed that politicians and celebrities dominated the headlines, each trying to force upon me their skewed attitudes and what they consider their "correct" way of thinking. Well, they're wasting their time. I am set in my ways.
Unfortunately I believe these celebrities and politicians will continue to dominate the news. So with that in mind, I hereby make the following predictions for 2021.
I predict that Donald Trump will become a regular on Saturday Night Live . . . and do a great comedy impersonation of Alec Baldwin.
I predict that Anthony Fauci will finally admit that he is not a real doctor, and that he only plays one on TV.
I predict that Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will be inducted into the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum . . . as the first person elected to Congress who had previously undergone a lobotomy.
I predict that Jennifer Anniston will gain immortality as the first celebrity to appear in People magazine 10,000 times . . . and for no apparent reason.
I predict that basketball legend LeBron James and singer Britney Spears will be arrested for pretending to be intelligent human beings.
I predict that Kim Kardashian's rear end will get wedged in the door that leads from her dining room to her kitchen, and Kanye West will have to lather her up with Crisco lard to free her.
I predict that Colin Kaepernick will finally be signed as the starting quarterback on a new international football team . . . the Iranian Nuke Devils, sponsored by Nike, who will also pay the Ayatollah $20 million for wearing a Nike symbol on his turban.
I predict that Michelle and Barack Obama will continue to advocate and show great concern for the poor and homeless . . . while enjoying their new $15 million home and 30 acre estate on Martha's Vineyard.
I predict that Prince Harry and his wife Megan Markle will run out of royal money and become door-to-door Fuller Brush salesmen.
I predict that singer Miley Cyrus will finally stop trying to act like a sex goddess and come to the stark realization that she is downright homely.
I predict that Bill Clinton will become an entrepreneur by marketing a new full-cover facemask for women, with the likeness of Hillary Clinton's face on the mask. This unique facemask will not only scare the virus away, but it will have the additional benefit as a new type of birth control.
I predict that Ivanka Trump will announce her candidacy for President for 2024. She will select Melania Trump as her VP, and after being elected they will ship Bernie Sanders off to Russia as the new USSR ambassador so he can hobknob with other Socialists.
I predict that Nancy Pelosi will fall asleep during Joe Biden's first State of the Union address. She will wake up suddenly and accidentally rip Joe's speech into pieces . . . having dreamed she was listening to Donald Trump again.
I predict that Joe Biden will become the first President in history to wear Depends . . . and unfortunately, to the embarrassment of the Democrats, he will be wearing these on the OUTSIDE of his pants.
And finally . . . I also predict that all of the celebrities will keep their mouths shut when it comes to politics . . . and that the Republicans and Democrats will finally put aside their differences, do away with all lobbyists, and pass laws in the best interests of our great country . . . Wait a second . . . that ain't gonna happen . . . ever.
Have a great New Year, stay safe, keep your sense of humor . . . and try to stay sane.

John "Butch" Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 30 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.