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Thursday, April 15, 2021
  • Dealing with anxiety and tooth delay
    Friday, April 2, 2021 4:00 AM
    Do you know what reentry anxiety is? Mary Ellen read about this condition in the news and asked if I thought I might have it. She explained that many people are nervous about returning to normal behaviors after being quarantined for a year. How exactly does one behave in a post-pandemic world?
    I googled the issue to get more information. According to the first webpage I landed on, virtually all astronauts suffer from this.
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  • Please don’t tell my other tibia about this
    Friday, March 26, 2021 4:00 AM
    I’ve always tried to treat my body with respect. However, there have been times when I looked down on my knees (or up, when I am doing sit-ups). Problems started back in college with a traumatic football injury. I was watching the homecoming game and my leg became wedged in the bleachers while I was trying to get a better look at one particular cheerleader.
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  • Present company included in new HS catalog
    Friday, March 19, 2021 4:00 AM
    The early spring edition of the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog was in my mailbox, a signal that a middle spring supplement and a late spring supplement will arrive any day now. For those not familiar with the publication, it’s a century-old gift catalog that contains an array of hard-to-find (and often hard to find a use for) gifts. The first edition might still be in your dentist’s lobby.
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  • Hooking up your basic cable is half the fun
    Friday, March 12, 2021 4:00 AM
    We miss seeing others in person, but through the magic of Facetime and Zoom we have been able to keep in touch. Most of our friends have been similarly stuck at home, so there isn’t that much to talk about—except movies and TV shows.
    “Hi, Bob and Cathy, it’s Dick and Mary Ellen. Have you seen Your Honor with Bryan Cranston on Showtime? It’s great. Lots to think about.”
    “Sorry guys, we don’t get Showtime. But have you seen Frozen II on Disney+?”
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  • Working with and editing Dick Wolfsie
    Friday, March 5, 2021 4:00 AM
    This article was not written by Dick Wolfsie—it was written about Dick Wolfsie. He was having trouble coming up with something to write about this week after being housebound for a year. Humor is based on life and he apparently hasn’t had much of one lately.
    It’s hard to know whether he’s really tried to come up with a topic. Maybe he’s been busy compulsively popping bubble wrap and binge-watching VHS tapes of his old TV segments. I volunteered to be a guest columnist this week so he wouldn’t miss his deadline.
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  • Snow day meant pay day for Wolfsie
    Friday, February 26, 2021 4:00 AM
    Last week when the snowstorm hit, I was fortunate to have neighbors who knew that I had a bad knee, a bad back and a cardiologist on retainer. Paul and Eric shoveled our driveway and Noah (Eric’s 10-year-old son) somehow managed to maneuver the snowblower.
    As they finished up about 4:30 in the afternoon, I threw on a coat and went outside to thank them. “Wow,” said Paul, “you are still in your pajama bottoms. You haven’t gotten dressed yet?”
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  • The ban on columns making fun of my wife now lifted
    Friday, February 19, 2021 4:00 AM
    I told my wife the other day that the stress of writing a weekly newspaper column was getting to be too much for me. “Look, Mary Ellen, we have been pretty much stuck in the house for a year and there’s nothing left to write about. The other problem is that you put a stop to articles making fun of you. That really makes things more difficult.”
    0 comment(s)
  • Do you think he knows it’s a thing?
    Friday, February 12, 2021 4:00 AM
    A late-night talk-show host commented about the viral spread of the photo of Bernie Sanders wearing his mittens. “I wonder if Bernie knows it’s a thing,” said James Corden. Bernie probably isn’t the most social-media-savvy politician, so this meme could have appeared tens of thousands of times on the Internet before he learned of it.
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  • Tops should always be attached to Tupperware
    Friday, February 5, 2021 4:00 AM
    When you are stuck at home due to COVID, it creates opportunities to deal with household issues you wouldn’t normally have time to mess with. I spent a fair amount of time last weekend putting my books on my shelves in alphabetical order. The Dewey Decimal System was no longer working for me (Are you under 50? Please google it.)
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  • Stay humble and attack the ball before it attacks you
    Friday, January 29, 2021 4:00 AM
    It was Monday, April 8, 1974, and I decided to play hooky from school. No, I wasn’t a student; I was teaching a night course. The Atlanta Braves were playing a home game against the L.A. Dodgers. Henry Aaron had already hit his 714th home run to tie Babe Ruth’s record. I remember thinking that was the night Hammerin’ Hank was going to reach a goal many had once thought unachievable.
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  • Needing pest control for my new Apple Watch
    Friday, January 22, 2021 4:00 AM
    My brother-in-law Tom gave me a generous gift for Christmas, an Apple Watch Series 5. Tom is a techie kind of guy. He once worked at an Apple Genius Bar and got a promotion for thinking on the job. I once worked at a bar and was fired for drinking on the job.  
    Tom always wants the latest cutting-edge technical wizardry, which explains the six different air fryers in his kitchen.
    1 comment(s)
  • Floss, brush, spit and rinse? Or is it . . .
    Friday, January 15, 2021 4:00 AM
    I called my friend yesterday. “Hi, Bob, it’s Dick. I have a weird question to ask you. Mary Ellen and I disagree on what most people do. When you are finished brushing your teeth, do you rinse and spit or just spit?”
    “Geesh, Dick, I have never thought about that until now. I’ll call you back at the end of your column.”
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  • Arranging refrigerators, jackets and marriages
    Friday, January 8, 2021 4:00 AM
    When we got married and were planning our future, we decided one would be enough, although many of our friends had two. Two was never in our plans, but things happen. We ended up keeping the older one in the basement.
    Yes, we have two refrigerators. One in the kitchen, one on the lower level.
    0 comment(s)
  • I’m sorry did you say toffee . . . oh, you said coffee
    Friday, January 1, 2021 4:00 AM
    I’ve missed doing a number of things this past year. I used to love going to the movies with my wife, going out to dinner with my wife, and going food shopping WITHOUT my wife. She is meticulous about what she buys and spends more time squeezing a melon then I spend picking out a new car. When I did go with her to a grocery, she was judgmental about my choices.
    0 comment(s)
  • Trying to laugh off “the worst year ever”
    Friday, December 25, 2020 4:00 AM
    According to the cover of the December 14 edition of Time magazine, the year 2020 was “The Worst Year Ever.”
    Sad to say, there is a lot of truth in that for many of us, but I have sought for the last 50 weeks to find humor in a world that desperately needs some laughs. So, as I do every year at this time, here is a quick look back at a few of my most comment-generating columns of the past year. In this case, hindsight really is 2020. So, thanks to…
    0 comment(s)
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The Paper of Montgomery County,
a division of Sagamore News Media 
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Crawfordsville, Indiana 47933

 

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