Dick Wolfsie - The Paper of Montgomery County
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Thursday, August 5, 2021
  • Wolfsie is remembering a dear old friend
    Friday, July 30, 2021 4:00 AM
    There will never be another Pat Keener. This dear friend of the Wolfsies passed away two weeks ago. Even if her name is not familiar to you, her lifelong dedication to the health of our state—indeed the country—should not be forgotten. Among a score of accomplishments, this dedicated pediatrician and neonatologist founded the Indianapolis Campaign for Healthy Babies back in 1989 that improved the dismal children’s mortality rate in Central Indiana. 
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  • Looking for a man I owe an apology to
    Friday, July 23, 2021 4:00 AM
    This the 10th anniversary of the most humiliating moment of my life. Even though a decade has passed, I am still looking for the man to whom I owe a long-overdue apology. If he is reading this, I’d like for him to contact me. It’s about time we let bygones be bygones.
    The story began when I arrived at the fitness center hoping to improve my standing on the racquetball ladder. 
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  • Learning some new phone banking technology
    Friday, July 16, 2021 4:00 AM
    This week I continue my look back at how I have wrestled with new technology over the past 20 years, and I’ll provide updates on my recent progress.
    I like banks. To sort of quote John Dillinger, “I like them because that’s where the money is.” I also like bank tellers because they help me fill out deposit slips. They even occasionally laugh at my jokes. I never get a giggle out of an ATM machine. 
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  • Doctoring my questionnaire to seem more normal
    Friday, July 9, 2021 4:00 AM
    Whenever I visit my doctor’s office, I have to fill out paperwork. But now, with Obamacare and the Pandemic, things have gotten complicated. The staff starts by confirming that my insurance hasn’t changed, which I think is just medical jargon for: “Has your coverage been dropped?” Before my last appointment, I had to write down all of my medications and about any side effects I might be experiencing.
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  • Wolfsie deals with new desk phone complications
    Friday, July 2, 2021 4:00 AM
    Many technological advances in the world have stumped me over the past couple of decades. In each of the next few weeks, I will revisit some of the columns I wrote in the last 22 years where I shared my frustrations and will update you on how my techy skills have improved…or not.
    In 2009 I wanted to buy a phone. Not an iPhone or an Android phone—just a plain old telephone. 
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  • When Wolfsie has hydration stuck on the brain
    Friday, June 25, 2021 4:00 AM
    Have you ever listened to a Ted Talk, with informational short speeches on fascinating topics like “Why do we have hair in random places?” and “Have we been tying our shoelaces the wrong way?” I enjoy watching these videos while I exercise on my treadmill. The average episode is about nine minutes long, which means if I run at my full speed, I can get in about six of them during a mile-long jog.
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  • A new family pet who lives out in a pond
    Friday, June 18, 2021 4:00 AM
    Several evenings a week, the neighbors in our cul-de-sac gather with their dogs in the driveway across the street from us. There is Max, Pace, Gus, Louie, Ella and Lucy. These are the dogs’ names. I’m terrible with human names, but I know which dog belongs to whom. Occasionally the group includes children and visiting grandchildren. 
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  • What’s the difference between a nook and a cranny
    Friday, June 11, 2021 4:00 AM
    There is an awesome new show on the History channel called The Food That Built America. Each episode takes an edible item like pizza, burgers or breakfast cereal and gives you the history of the cutthroat competition among the food barons who developed these products. My favorite historical reenactment was when the founder of Hershey’s chocolate was firing an employee who then threatened to open his own candy company. “Yeah, good luck with that, Mr. Reese,” said Milton Hershey.
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  • An animal problem around the Wolfsie home
    Friday, June 4, 2021 4:00 AM
    I recently divulged that we had a mouse problem at the Wolfsies’. The little vermin were somehow getting into the house. Not wanting to hurt the invaders, Mary Ellen opted to purchase several no-kill traps. We did catch a couple and released them. Here is how I envision a conversation in the woods behind our house…
    MOUSE 1: Hey, Myron, have you been in the Wolfsie home recently?
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  • Getting some good old advice; giving fun snide comments
    Friday, May 28, 2021 4:00 AM
    I just received my 304th copy of the AARP Bulletin. This publication has arrived in my mailbox every month since I turned 50. I never read the Bulletin when I was in my 50s because I resented being seen as a senior in those days. Now I’m in my 70s and, quite frankly, I still don’t want anyone telling me how to eat healthy, boost my brain power, sleep well, soothe my gut, or improve my memory, or how to choose the best walk-in tub and chair lift.
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  • Sharp pains in the foot during the night
    Friday, May 21, 2021 4:00 AM
    If you dream you have foot cramps and the pain wakes you up, but then it’s gone when you open your eyes, do you really have foot cramps?
    This is the great philosophical question I am going to tackle in this column because I have given up on that pesky one about the tree falling in the forest, which has kept me tossing and turning for several decades.
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  • Smart phone stuck in a perpetual comma
    Friday, May 14, 2021 4:00 AM
    It first happened about 10 years ago. Due to some programming glitch the comma on my smart phone stopped working.. Now almost a decade later the comma key is stuck but this time it’s on my desktop computer. Maybe it’s just a cracker crumb lodged in the key. I usually snack when I write my column but I am proud to say that all the food groups are represented.
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  • The mouse that roared in the Wolfsie house
    Friday, May 7, 2021 4:00 AM
    There was a mouse running around the Wolfsie kitchen. Then it was in the basement. Then in the storeroom. Angel, the cat, knows it. And my wife knows it. We’re just trying to hide it from the neighbors.
    We’ve had critter problems before in other homes, but there’s a big difference between having mice in your kitchen and having, let’s say, a woodchuck in your back yard.
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  • Research books and regrets for novice chess players
    Friday, April 30, 2021 4:00 AM
    As I shuffle along in my 75th year of life, I have a few regrets. First, I wish I had learned to be fluent in another language. Oh, I can get along in French and Spanish, but the reason I can get along in those languages is that I don’t know enough words to insult anybody.
    Another regret: I never learned to play chess. But as they say, it’s never too late to make a move. I got online to research books for novice chess players. There were several…dozen: Chess for Dummies, Chess for Idiots, Chess for Beginners, Beat Your Dad in Chess, and Chess for Toddlers, to name but a few.
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  • That was the week that wasn’t
    Friday, April 23, 2021 4:00 AM
    “Doesn’t it feel like Sunday?” asked Mary Ellen a couple of weeks ago.
    “Yes, come to think of it, it does seem like a Sunday, even though it’s Saturday. Why do you ask?”
    “Dick, it’s just less confusing if we both feel like it’s the same day, even though it’s the wrong day.” 
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The Paper of Montgomery County,
a division of Sagamore News Media 
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