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Thursday, December 3, 2020
  • Pizza in a Can and Christmas Dinner in a Can
    Friday, November 27, 2020 4:00 AM
    My son Brett has wisely chosen to bring his lunch to work every day, avoiding dining in restaurants during the pandemic. I asked him what he was taking to eat in his company’s breakroom, and his response was: frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I had never heard of these and bought a box out of curiosity (you have to defrost them first) and now I’m hooked on the stupid things. In fact, I have to hide them in the downstairs freezer behind the Healthy Choice dinners. If my wife finds out what I have been paying for this rip-off, she may never microwave anything good for me again.
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  • Wolfsies’ Thanksgiving without any thanks to 2020
    Friday, November 20, 2020 4:00 AM
    Thanksgiving will no doubt be different this year. I know there will be less weight gain at the Wolfsies’ because Mary Ellen is requiring that we put on our mask between every bite. That will slow down the time to consume the meal, which, according to my wife, results in less food intake. This is why I try to hide her holiday editions of Prevention magazine.
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  • Making a healthy choice, or covering an unhealthy one
    Friday, November 13, 2020 4:00 AM
    Every Sunday morning, we Zoom with our fellow church members. We begin by praying…that the link will work. I don’t like Zoom. I always fear I’ll end up in the center square, and I’m not as funny as Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares. Or worse, I’ll be in a bottom square and I’m not as good looking as the father on the Brady Bunch.
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  • Working to run a pitch perfect game
    Friday, November 6, 2020 4:00 AM
    Last week, when the Los Angeles Dodgers defeated the Tampa Bay Rays in game six of the World Series, 94-year-old Carl Erskine sat on his couch in Anderson, Indiana, and savored the moment. It had been 32 years since the Dodgers were last victorious in the October Classic, but 65 years since this Hoosier-born pitcher sat in the dugout at Yankee Stadium and watched fellow teammate Johnny Podres defeat the Yankees in game seven. It was the first time the Dodgers had won the series—ever.
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  • A few tiny nuggets of truth we can relate to
    Friday, October 30, 2020 4:00 AM
    Paul Dickson has written 65 books and I’ve read most of them. During his long career he collected thousands of observations—tiny nuggets of truth—that we can all relate to, and all in a book called: The Official Rules: 5,427 Laws, Principles, and Axioms to Help You Cope with Crises, Deadlines, Bad Luck, Rude Behavior, Red Tape and Attacks by Inanimate Objects. WHEW! That’s just the title. 
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  • Applications you can apply with ease or anger
    Friday, October 23, 2020 4:00 AM
    On a cold, rainy day last week, with nothing else to do, I decided to clean up my home…screen. Over the years, I’ve downloaded various apps to my cell phone, many of which I either never used, or I found too frustrating to get them to work properly. Here are a few that I have just deleted:
    The Yo App: This app allows me to simply hit the notification button and the word “Yo” is sent to the desired person in my contacts. Just the word Yo. Nothing else. Millions of people downloaded this app. I was hoping I could change the word Yo to Oy. No luck.
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  • Talking about taters, potatoes to be exact
    Friday, October 16, 2020 4:00 AM
    If you had to choose one food to live on for the rest of your life, what would it be? I provide this question as a public service for those in long-term relationships who are pretty much stuck at home and desperately need something to debate.
    I asked my wife for her response, and she said I had to give my choice first. That sounded like a trap, but I replied, “Okay, Mary Ellen, if I had to pick one thing, I’d say your delicious chicken piccata.”
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  • Something to chew on during this spooky season
    Friday, October 9, 2020 4:00 AM
    Lots of big news in the world of candy. First, as you may have heard, due to COVID there will be no Peeps this Halloween. In fact, there may be no Halloween this Halloween.
    Scientists have recently raised some concern about licorice. Apparently, a Massachusetts construction worker died of an overdose. He ate three bags of black licorice a day for two weeks, which the experts say results in a toxic level of glycyrrhizic acid. 
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  • Playing with some rotten corn and a plank with a hole in it
    Friday, October 2, 2020 4:00 AM
    I’m a born and bred (mostly Jewish rye) New Yorker, but I’ve lived for 40 years in Indianapolis. I’ve eaten biscuits and gravy for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not all on the same day). I’ve had a pork tenderloin that is four times bigger than the bun, and I even wear shorts when it’s below freezing outside. So I do consider myself a Hoosier, but then the other day I was really tested when my wife confronted me with this:
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  • Running commentary and a running joke
    Friday, September 25, 2020 4:00 AM
    I run five miles a day, but those who have observed me in action question the use of the word “run” and even the word “action.” The baby steps I take—as opposed to a long athletic stride—have resulted in some significant mocking. I now wonder whether my plan to win the Mini Marathon should be removed from my bucket list. 
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  • Getting through the hard times with a good gift catalog
    Friday, September 18, 2020 4:00 AM
    Sitting on my back porch on a particularly hot recent day, it was a breath of cold air when the mail arrived with six Christmas catalogs. It was just in the nick of time because I had planned to start my holiday shopping any 90 days now.
    My favorite publication in the pile was the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. I haven’t made fun of their eccentric gift suggestions in almost two years, so summer is the perfect time to get back in the Christmas spirit.
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  • Adventures of what was lost in the medicine cabinet
    Friday, September 11, 2020 4:00 AM
    For the longest time, I had a label on my cell phone displaying the mobile number so if I lost the device the person who found it could call me. I realized how incredibly dumb that was when I left it at Ace Hardware one day and when I finally went back and found it, I had 24 messages from people who wanted me to know that it was “right here” in Lawn and Garden by the azaleas.
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  • Remembering my collection of ties to honor heroes
    Friday, September 4, 2020 4:00 AM
    I haven’t worn a tie in years–with one exception. I always wore one to the Unitarian Universalist Church on Sunday—that is, before we started Zooming our services. The ties were from my special collection of neckwear to honor legendary comedic heroes I admire. I’ve combed Amazon, searched eBay and googled just about every name in hopes of finding some new ones. Meanwhile, here’s a look at a few faces currently in my collection.
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  • Some of my favorite stories about Barney the beagle
    Friday, August 28, 2020 4:00 AM
    Here are some of my favorite stories about Barney, my beagle buddy who accompanied me on 2,700 remote shoots for WISH-TV from 1991 until 2003. With one exception, I have no video evidence of these adventures, but who could forget them?
    DIRTY DOG
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  • Career favorites and embarrassing moments
    Friday, August 21, 2020 4:00 AM
    Here’s another look back at some of my 40-year career favorites.
    A Favorite Moment
    I was interviewing a panel of young men who, as the result of motorcycle accidents, had endured a traumatic head injury. One of the panelists, Jay, had short-term memory loss. To compensate for this, he jotted down notes during the interview on a mini yellow legal pad so he could keep track of the questions and answers. Sitting next to Jay was another patient named John. Throughout the show, I confused their names, addressing Jay as John and vice versa. After making this mistake for the fourth time, Jay broke out in a big grin and said:
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