Ever wonder when you left the sane, normal world we grew up in and landed in some other dimension? A dimension where:
• A Charlie Brown Christmas is called racist because Franklin, an African-American character in Charles M. Schulz’ famous Peanuts strip, is shown seated on one side of the table by himself (I thought it might be so he could stay away from the dirt off Pigpen).
• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is flagged as promoting bullying because “all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.”
It doesn’t stop there.
• The movie is also sexist because Rudolph’s dad tells his mom that she can’t look for the missing reindeer because it’s “man’s work.”
Wait, we’re not done.
• There’s advice that we should not have Christmas cookies shaped like Christmas trees with red and green sprinkles because they are not inclusive.
But want to know the one that gets me the most?
• It’s not OK to have a holiday party. Seriously! A holiday party! It wasn’t that long ago I learned we can’t have Christmas parties or say Merry Christmas because that was politically incorrect. Now we can’t even have holiday parties because (are you ready for this) not everyone has holidays in December. So the advice is, any parties near the end of this month should be “end of year” parties.
The story I read went on to say that we should stay away from religious symbolism like Santa Claus and red-nosed reindeer (really, it said that) and that we should opt for snowflakes, snowmen or winter themes. (By the way, I’m guessing poor Rudolph is getting a complex. First his song isn’t OK and next he’s a religious symbol. Maybe there’s a church of the Holy Glowing Nose?)
How did we wander this far off the path?
Please forgive me for enjoying the irony in all this. These idiots are preaching that everyone has to be inclusive. We (I’m a male white guy of Irish descent) have to make room for the LGBTQ world, the socialists, people of color, people of faith, people with no faith, people who worship tree frogs and people who aren’t really people, or at least don’t claim to be.
Fine with me. I’m pretty easy to get along with. But tell me why it is that they don’t have to make room for you and me? Why aren’t our middle-aged, conservative, Christian values important? Why are our point of views not respected?
If what we think and believe is wrong because they don’t think and believe the same way, doesn’t that logic work both ways?
Look, like most of you, I got no problem with someone who doesn’t look, act or think like I do. But why can’t I just live my life, let them live theirs and when we interact, smile and be polite? Why can’t we just get along and agree that we all aren’t the same?
Doesn’t this go back to the everyone-gets-a-trophy crowd? Isn’t this really about trying to make sure everyone feels good and goes home at the end of the day whistling Dixie (oops, scratch that)?
Ah, from their lips to God’s ears (oops, scratch that one, too). If only the world worked that way. It does not. It’s kind of the whole point of Rudolph’s story. Some people, or reindeer, are jerks. Don’t let it get you down, keep on keepin’ on, yadda-yadda-yadda. Rudolph did and became the hero. There are a million such stories – Hoosiers, Rudy, Remember the Titans, Rocky. Forget sports. How about David and Goliath. (Damn, scratch that one, too.)
OK, let me try it this way, and this is probably as culturally neutral as I can get. Remember the movie Stripes? Bill Murray tells a bunch of tired GIs that we are Americans, with a capital A. He says that “means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're underdogs, we're mutts.”
Maybe the folks hollering the loudest aren’t proud of being a mutt, but I am. I celebrate the fact that we are a very different people making up one nation – under God – and I am happy to give them the room and deference they ask for. It’d just be nice if they’d do the same.

Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears periodically on Tuesdays in The Paper. Timmons is the publisher of The Paper and can be contacted at ttimmons@thepaper24-7.com.