Butch Says Maybe You Can Run For Congress
Have you ever considered running for Congress? For the House of Representatives, you must be at least 25 years old and a U.S. citizen for at least seven years. For the Senate, you must be at least 30 years old and a U.S. citizen for at least nine years. No license is required. Doctors, teachers, beauticians, plumbers, electricians, lawyers, and hundreds of other occupations require training and a license. So why not members of Congress? After all, the decisions and laws they come up with greatly affect all of us. So to solve this dilemma, I have come up with a test that will determine if a potential candidate can meet the standards of our current Congress. I call it the “S-C Politician Test.” You must answer “YES” to the following questions:
1. I have frequent temper tantrums
2. I start many sentences with “I need…”
3. I am unwilling to compromise
4.. I lash out if I don’t get my way
5. I demand special treatment
6. I am manipulative
7. I have a sense of entitlement
8. I don’t care if my behavior inconveniences others
9. I only care about myself
10. I never offer help unless it will benefit me
If you answered “yes” to these statements, then you qualify as a potential candidate for Congress. You can now announce your intentions to run, and use the following speech:
“Fellow citizens, I am here today to announce my candidacy as a representative to Congress. I am running for this position because I want to become wealthy, have free healthcare, and earn a fabulous pension. I failed junior high math and have never balanced my checkbook. I have no conscience and can lie out of both sides of my mouth. I am willing to take bribes and keep my mouth shut. I can talk about any subject for over an hour and never say anything of substance. I enjoy going to fancy dinners and parties. I support the police, but will also side with any group who feels they were wronged, as long as I can have my own personal bodyguards. I am not racist, and I will promote diversity…while living in my gated community. I will promise anything and everything to get elected…again….and again…and again. Thank you, and God Bless America!”
Now you are on your way to a great life. And oh, yes…those ten statements of the “S-C Test” in which you answered “yes”….I obtained those from an article entitled, “Traits of a Spoiled Child.” And the great thing is…that once you are elected, the money will really roll in and you will have it made for life! So why work for a living when you can become a member of Congress? The people in there now aren’t any smarter than you. They are just naturally spoiled nincompoops.
John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.