Butch Explains What You Missed in Government Class

   Since many of you may have fallen asleep in high school Government class, you might need to catch up on some of the words used when discussing present day politics. Never fear! I am providing you a short glossary of commonly used words so you can at least act like you know what are talking about…

“President”…kind of like a king. He cannot issue edicts, but can issue “executive orders,” which are just as good. A President has a loving wife who is called “the First Lady.” And if a President does not have a loving wife, he can hire a loving intern (blue dress not required).

“Vice President”…Back-up guy to the President. He gets to attend a lot of parties, ceremonies and sports events…Fun!

“Republicans”…people who like babies, puppies, country music, trucks and guns. A true Republican believes that Donald Trump is one of God’s chosen people.

“Democrats”…people who think everyone is basically nice, and if they are not, it is because they were mistreated, experienced prejudice or were oppressed…and therefore should be entitled to free stuff from the government. A true Democrat still believes that Joe Biden was a great President and could have won.

“Libertarians”…free thinkers who smoke those funny looking cigarettes. A true Libertarian would vote for Bob Dylan or Willie Nelson for President.

“Congressmen”…people we elect who pretend they are writing the laws of our country. Every once in a while they form a “committee” to make it appear they are doing something important, but mostly they discuss their own pay raises and share insider tips to the stock market.

“Debate”…a unique comedy show in front of a crowd or on TV, in which two candidates make fun of each other’s ideas, call each other hilarious names, make all kinds of promises and act like they actually care about you. It’s funnier than “I Love Lucy.” No kidding!

“Bureaucrats”…lifetime government employees who are paid to design complicated forms and give you the runaround…a dream job!

“Taxes”…money confiscated from working people and used by Congressmen to fund their pet projects, or give away to certain groups to buy more votes.

“Deficit spending”…what Congressmen do when they don’t have enough of your money to spend. No problem. They just print more!

“Bipartisanship”…a term used to describe both political parties working together for the benefit of our country. So far, this has never occurred, but there is always that chance.. LOL.

“Fair election”…when your side wins…compared to “rigged election” when your side loses.

“Big Tech”…Very rich guys (usually nerds) whose job it is to make you addicted to social media and brainwash your thinking by blocking all negative news about their favorite political party, and making the opposing party look stupid and evil. Dang, those nerds have sure got revenge from their high school days!

“Protest”…a way for people, otherwise known as “crybabies” or “sore losers” to voice their concerns when something does not go their way. It also is an excuse to burn down businesses, attack police officers and steal Nike tennis shoes. That’s the American way!

“Capitalism”…freedom to make a fortune by using your intelligence, ingenuity, foresight and risking your own money to succeed. Think MAGA.

“Socialism”…Share and share alike so everyone is equal. The leaders can take away your excess money and belongings and pass it around. “Communism” is similar, except if you refuse to give up your stuff, you will be shot. (Hey, those guys don’t mess around!)

“Civil War”…when two groups cannot get along and engage in an all-out war. This first occurred in 1861 between the North and the South. The second Civil War began after the Presidential election in 2008. Barack Obama’s mission was to “fundamentally transform America.” Today Americans are at war with each other…Mission accomplished!

    I hope these definitions will now allow you to voice your opinions each morning at the coffee shop. Have a great day!

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 36 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.