HOOF IN YOUR MOUTH DISEASE!!!!!

I read yesterday that IKEA was “withdrawing” one of its most popular food offerings from supermarkets in Sweden after discovering traces of horse meat in the product. In racing terminology, horses are not “withdrawn,” they’re scratched.  But no shopper wants to hear the phrase, “Effective immediately, we are scratching our Swedish meatballs.”  

These treats have always been popular, especially at weddings, and now, with a dash of equine by-product in them, they will be a big hit at bridle showers, as well. I’m just warning you that was not the last horrible pun in this article.

People around the world (many of whom dine on squirrel and monkey) are outraged by this development.  It was bad enough when it was exposed last year that some fish sticks contained sea life other than the traditional cod. But now concern with Mrs. Paul may seem trivial, considering that Mr. Ed might now be in fast-food burgers.

I googled the controversy because I still find it mysterious how a horse could end up in a food processing plant. I get peanuts; any nut can slip past those security guards at the gate. But an entire horse? It’s more complicated than that. I found an explanation online: “Horse meat is butchered in Romania. It is sent through a Cyprus-registered trader to a warehouse in the Netherlands. Then a French meat wholesaler buys the meat, resells it to a frozen food processor under the Swedish-based Findus Company, and then they put it in their lasagna.” Wow. That horse has been around the track  

Whoa! That’s a fantastic idea for a movie. It has international intrigue, mystery, deception, and violent deaths. Take it away, Quentin Tarantino. How about calling it Trigger Unchained. The stallion takes off running, not to avoid the glue factory, but the stew factory.

People have been emailing and blogging about this. When another food company admitted it had found traces of the same ingredient in its frozen dinners, customers were disgusted by the prospect of eating horse parts. The company was Birds Eye.

Here are some of my favorite comments online:

Tried both beef tacos and horse tacos. Horse wins by a nose.

My friend ate it and was hospitalized. Condition: Stable

Ate too much. Gave me the trots.

Had terrible night mares.

By the way, why is horse meat cheaper than beef?  Aren’t horses harder to catch?  Pork should be cheap, too. I could see why rabbit meat would be expensive. Kangaroo? Up and down in price. Turtle soup should be a bargain.

On cooking websites, there are hundreds of recipes for dishes that feature horse meat. A noted food critic who has sampled them all says, “Most of the recipes are winners.” I’m no culinary expert, but I would think the losers would taste almost as good. And more tender.

Here are some warning signs that horse meat has entered the Indianapolis market. At Burger King, they’ll change the name of the Whopper to the Appaloosa.  The old Palomino restaurant returns to downtown Indianapolis.

But here’s the big clue: If the server at McDonald’s asks: “Do you want flies with that?”