Butch Recalls Those Comic Book Sales Gimmicks

 If you are like me, you may have read comic books as a youngster growing up in the 1950s and early ’60s. There were all kinds, but my favorite was the Archie series, with his pals Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and Reggie. Most of the time I read these for free at the drug store and barber shop, but occasionally I forked over a dime and actually purchased one. On the last page were ads in which you could purchase all types of items, priced anywhere from 25 cents to $1.98 . . . mostly really dumb stuff, but sad to say, I could not resist. A few years ago, I mentioned that I once bought “sea monkeys,” which turned out to be a total flop.

   Many of the items were gadgets to trick and fool your friends, such as “snap gum,” a fake pack of chewing gum that had a metal spring which struck the unknowing friend’s fingers as they pulled out a stick of gum . . . only 50 cents to inflict pain . . . OUCH! Another 50 cent item was the “joy buzzer,” which gave a mild shock to an innocent person who shook your hand. Then there was the classic “whoopee cushion” for 50 cents. Just inflate it and place it under a chair seat pad . . . well, you know the rest. It would bring laughs at every party . . . or on the teacher’s chair!

   There were many other silly items . . . “trick black soap,” “disappearing ink,” “onion gum,” “loud nose blower,” “snake gift box.” “foaming sugar,” “smoke cloud pill,” “fake bullet holes,” “stretch dollar bill,” “finger chopper,” “phony cast,” “world’s tiniest pencil,” “the two-headed nickel” and “monster ghost.” All guaranteed to be hilarious way to fool friends and family!

   In addition, you could buy a few devilish items. I bought a “secret agent periscope” for 75 cents to spy on people around corners and over walls. The ad claimed to provide hours of fun with this “optical marvel.” It was more like two minutes of frustration. I also ordered the booklet to “learn hypnotic control in 25 easy lessons.” No luck with that. I passed on the “skin head wig,” which was $1.98, but I could not resist buying those “X-ray specs,” which promised that I would be able to see through clothing. Wow, that would be great since I was a mischievous 10-year old. Unfortunately, that turned out to be $1.25 down the drain. Other items included the “greedy fingers bank,” “1001 insults for all occasion,” “red hot pepper gum,” the “secret burning match pen,” the “Hercules power wrist band,” “electric sound switch,” “police siren flashlight and handcuffs” and the “horror 33 rpm record,” which was sure to terrify humans and animals.

   On another page was an advertisement which proclaimed that any skinny boy could “build muscle fast” by using “dynamic tension.” You surely remember those Charles Atlas ads, don’t you? A muscular chest, broad shoulders, big arm muscles, powerful legs, and even a magnetic personality . . . all yours to attain by mailing in a coupon for his FREE 32-page book. The result will stop those older kids and school bullies from pestering me, and I could attract beautiful girls, too . . . Well, maybe not.

   Maybe I should have signed up for the “Sales Leadership Club” and sold personalized Christmas cards. I could have purchased 40 cards for $3.95 and sold those to friends and relatives “to win all kinds of wonderful prizes” . . . baseball gloves, cameras, portable radios, walkie-talkies, train sets, and even a 10-speed racing bike! But why spend nearly $4 in hard cash when I could just buy a whoopee cushion for 50 cents?

   I was just like all of the other gullible kids who fell for these ads. Now come on and admit it . . . you probably did too!

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 37 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.