We Americans Have Seen WAY Too Many Commercials!

“It’s time to wake up and get ready for school. You overslept, so you’ll have to eat cereal this morning. Tell me which one you want, and I’ll get it ready.” “Well, I like ‘snap, crackle, pop’ Rice Krispies, but Wheaties are ‘the Breakfast of Champions.’ I am ‘cuckoo for Coca-Puffs,’ and Frosted Flakes are ‘G-r-r-reat’, too. But I think I’ll have Lucky Charms because ‘they are magically delicious!”

Butch gulped down his cereal, and drank his orange juice. “You know, Mom, ‘a day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine’…OOPS, I spilled a little on the table.” “Don’t worry, honey, I have some Bounty towels handy…It’s ‘the quicker picker-upper.’ You can have a sip of my coffee before you get dressed…It’s Maxwell House…’good to the last drop.’ Now what do you want me to pack for your lunch?”

“Gee, Mom, do you have any Colonel Sanders fried chicken left from last night? It’s ‘finger-lickin’ good’…and maybe put some Lay’s potato chips in with it?” “Sure, but ‘I bet you can’t eat just one.’ I also have a piece of Pillsbury cake from last night. ‘Nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven.’ Or maybe a bag of M&M’s?…’They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.’ Now get to the bathroom…wash the your face, brush your teeth, and comb your hair. The school bus will be here shortly.”

It was almost 7:45 a.m. according to Butch’s Timex watch, which ‘takes a licking, but keeps on ticking.’ He washed his face with Dial soap. ‘Don’t you wish everybody did’?…and then hurriedly brushed his teeth and looked in the mirror. “I wonder where the yellow went when I brush my teeth with Pepsodent?” Then he grabbed his tube of Brylcreem.” “Now Butch, don’t use too much of that. You know ‘just a little dab’ll do ya.’ Here’s some gum to take with you. ‘Double your pleasure, double your fun…with Doublemint, Doublemint, Doublemint gum'”

Well, Butch rushed out the door just as the bus pulled up. His bus driver is a great guy, and has been driving a bus for almost fifty years. He’s just like the Energizer bunny. He ‘keeps going, and going, and going!’ He really shouldn’t smoke, but he said that ‘Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.’ Butch sat next to his best friend, Steve, who pulled something from his satchel. “Hey, Steve, what’s that?” “It’s slinky, it’s slinky…everyone know’s it’s slinky! And look what else my parents bought for me yesterday..new Levi jeans!…You know ‘quality never goes out of style.'”

Well, Butch had a great morning at school and it was time for lunch. Steve’s mom packed him a thermos of Campbell’s soup…’M’m! M’m! Good!’…and his favorite sandwich. “My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R…My bologna has a second name, it’s M-A-Y-E-R. And if you ask me why, I’ll say, cause Oscar-Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.” And not only that, she sent an Almond Joy and Mounds candy bars, and he told Butch he could have one,too. It was difficult to choose, because ‘sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t.’ After lunch, the two boys played tag during recess, but both had an upset stomach…yep, too much candy. Their teacher sent them to the school nurse, who gave them Alka-Seltzer…’Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is!’ “Now if you two boys feel like you might need to use the restroom, while you’re in there…’please don’t squeeze the Charmin.’

When Butch arrived home that afternoon, he did his homework, and his mother fixed him one of his favorites. “Wow, Rice-a-Roni, ‘the San Francisco treat’, and a pork sandwich, ‘the other white meat’, with Wonder bread, because ‘it builds strong bodies 12 ways’.” He ‘coulda had a V-8’, but instead he drank a Coca-Cola because ‘things go better with Coke.’ Butch watched TV for a while, but went to bed early because he was starting to get a cold. “Here, honey, take some Ny-Quil, ‘the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head fever so you can rest medicine.'” You know, Butch’s mother is ‘just like baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet.’ She’s the best!

Well, Butch had a great day, and tomorrow is his birthday…and guess what? His Mom and Dad are taking him to McDonalds. He craves Big Macs…”two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.’ He’s lovin’ it!

Folks, I very seldom watch TV nowadays. My wife and I usually read our books after supper. However, a few weeks ago there was a movie on that I thought might be good. After the first ten minutes, they switched to commercials…TEN commercials in a row for the next five minutes. Then ten minutes of the movie…then TEN more commercials….I gave up.

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.