Butch’s predictions for 2022…..

Well folks, we made it through another crazy year, so what will happen in 2022? The celebrities, Hollywood elites, and national politicians still crave the spotlight, so here are my predictions:

…Bill and Hillary will finally divorce. Bill will marry Monica Lewinsky, who informs him that she is pregnant and has the DNA test results. One month later they will be blessed with a son, William Jefferson Clinton II, whom they will lovingly nickname “Wee Willie Winkie.” Meanwhile, Hillary, needing money to buy votes for another Presidential run, will get hitched to the newly divorced billionaire Bill Gates. Sadly, he will pass away two weeks after the wedding from a suspicious case of food poisoning after consuming Hillary’s homemade chili. Whoops…Bill forgot the “pre-nup!” Yep, chalk up another one!

…Donald Trump will divorce his beautiful wife Melania and subsequently marry Nancy Pelosi, who always wanted to live at Mar-a-Lago. Donald will whisk Nancy away on a honeymoon to the Swiss Alps, but tragically, only Donald will return…”Oops, I guess she must have slipped on the ice!” he will announce, while ripping up the marriage license in front of both houses of Congress. Two people in white coats will take him away in restraints.

…Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will star in a new TV sitcom entitled, “Look At Us, Ain’t We Special?” Also appearing in this comedy show as their children will be Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Lady Gaga. It will be kind of like Petticoat Junction on meth. Released prisoner Bill Cosby will portray Uncle Joe.

…Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will abruptly stop her “Defund the Police” media rants after she is kidnapped by a NYC street gang who demand $5 million in ransom. Luckily, AOC will be released unharmed when her crime-weary constituents inform the kidnappers that they are only willing to pay 75 cents and will throw in a cherry sno-cone for free.

…California U.S. Representative Maxine Waters and actress Rosie O’Donnell, while attending the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, will both be awarded

“Best of Show”…when the judges mistakenly place both of them in the Old English Bulldog group.

…CEO Mark Zuckerberg will file for bankruptcy when the U.S. Attorney General declares Facebook to be an illegal monopoly. Mark will start a new occupation as a barber, and his shop will be named “Haircuts for Nerds.”

…Justin Bieber will give up his singing career, and LeBron James will end his basketball career. They both plan on becoming professors of English and American literature at Harvard…as soon as they learn how to write their name and pass the 3rd grade ISTEP test.

…Miley Cyrus, while showing off again, will suffer a painful injury when she visits a Nashville antique store and gets her tongue caught in a vintage wringer washing machine.

…Michelle and Barack Obama will sell their $15 million Martha Vineyard’s estate, and subsequently move back to a Chicago tenement to help the homeless and start a crime prevention program….Wait a second, cancel that prediction. Instead, they will stay put and start a new group…RLM…Rich Lives Matter.

…Fox News personalities Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson will become good friends with CNN personalities Don Lemon, Brian Stelter, and Anderson Cooper. They all vow not to criticize one another for their political viewpoints….Ha, Ha, Ha…Yeh, sure thing!

…In October, Joe Biden will emerge from his coma and be informed that he had been elected President back in 2020. The first words out of his mouth…”You gotta be kidding… Aw, C’mon, man!” His next statement to the media, “How did all of these illegal immigrants get here?”

Stay tuned…the “rich and famous” and our politicians…they are crazy, but you gotta love ’em!

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.