2nd Best Brothers

I have three brothers, and together, we couldn’t be more different. Well, that’s not quite true. Two of us think similarly. Two of us behave similarly. Two of us react similarly. The matter is that, at any given time, we are never sure which two. Maybe that’s because we are the offspring of our father,…

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Breakup on Aisle 12

I always feel like quirky things happen to me more than they happen to other people. A chance encounter this week should eliminate any doubt. I was walking casually through Aisle 12 of a grocery giant I seldom shop. I noticed a couple striding toward me. The two appeared to be about 30, although I’ve…

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Bringing Me into the Fold

The one thing that you will not find in my underwear drawer is organization. There are no neat stacks; no neatly regimented ranks and files of folded tidy whities, ready to serve the underlying cause. What you will find is row after row of briefs, rolled tightly, and stacked like cordwood, cushioning the top drawer…

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I Suspect Fowl Play

Let’s get the bad news out of the way, right off the top: Ed is dead. I am devastated. Ed came into my life unexpectedly, last Thanksgiving. The fact that he showed up at my house when he did was astonishing, so much so that I devoted my entire column to his unconventional and dramatic…

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Almost Never Say Always

I’m never a person big on making New Year’s resolutions. That’s probably a good thing, since it is mid-April. I always complain that my life is still in the same ol’ rut. Yet, I never seem to change the habits that hold me back almost every time. This year, I’m concentrating on removing three words…

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Exploring John’s ‘In-Continents’

One thing that that the hot war between Russia and Ukraine has reminded me — aside from the stupidity and savagery of human destruction, and the utter hubris of tyrants –– is of my less than ideal knowledge of world geography. Now, I’m no Vasco da Gama, but I’ve always been able to hold my…

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Cooler Heads Prevailed

Sunday night, at midnight mind you, I decided to get a head start on the grilling season. If that seems like a peculiar time to begin grilling, you’ll find the appliance that I used to be quite unconventional, too. I used the grille of my car. Those of you who groaned at my pun should…

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Routines Are Habit Forming

I was surprised to learn, Tuesday morning, that I was out of milk. I was quite certain that milk was on my weekly grocery list, and I was equally certain that I had walked out of the store with a jug of fodder fuel in my hand. Nevertheless, when I opened the refrigerator door, in…

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A Letter To Losers

Dear Athlete, We see you out there, young man. We see you with your head cradled low. We see you daugh-ter. We see the tears collecting in your eyes, eyes that you shield from us, so we cannot sup-pose weakness in your humanity. We see your hand tremble, as you reach out in weedy approbation;…

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It’s In The Double-Bag

So, I am at Walmart scanning and bagging almost $200 worth of groceries, when the employee that “monitors” the self-service checkout lanes leaves her station, and walks over to me. “Why are you double-bagging all of your groceries,” she asks without saying hello. “Excuse me?” “You don’t need two plastic bags every time,” she instructs.…

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