Routines Are Habit Forming

I was surprised to learn, Tuesday morning, that I was out of milk. I was quite certain that milk was on my weekly grocery list, and I was equally certain that I had walked out of the store with a jug of fodder fuel in my hand. Nevertheless, when I opened the refrigerator door, in…

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A Letter To Losers

Dear Athlete, We see you out there, young man. We see you with your head cradled low. We see you daugh-ter. We see the tears collecting in your eyes, eyes that you shield from us, so we cannot sup-pose weakness in your humanity. We see your hand tremble, as you reach out in weedy approbation;…

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It’s In The Double-Bag

So, I am at Walmart scanning and bagging almost $200 worth of groceries, when the employee that “monitors” the self-service checkout lanes leaves her station, and walks over to me. “Why are you double-bagging all of your groceries,” she asks without saying hello. “Excuse me?” “You don’t need two plastic bags every time,” she instructs.…

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The Museum Of Natural Laziness

Here’s one for you. How do they tackle Spring Cleaning in a museum? I heard most of you answer, “very carefully”. Nice. Indeed, that’s true if we are searching for applause at the improv club. However, this is a seri-ous question that I ask myself every year, when I start my own Spring Cleaning. In…

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Under That False Flag

With tens of thousands of soldiers poised to cross over the border into a fledgling independent nation –– a nation only a few years pulled from beneath the thumb of an imperial superpower –– the world anxiously awaited the outcome of military conflict that ultimately will change borders, and skew the balance of global power.…

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IRS; You Are Not

My friend is having trouble with the Internal Revenue Service. We’ll call him Mr. Farmer, be-cause — one; it’s the IRS, and two; well, they already know his real name. They know it far too well, as far as he’s concerned. First, a little background. Mr. Farmer is known among friends and strangers alike as…

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Save The Spoon

The Paper of Montgomery County

Regardless of what you’re hungry for, the next time you dine out, I’m going to change the way you look at your next meal. There’s something you’ve enjoyed at every feeding that is fast be-coming extinct. No, it’s not the snowy egret or the flamingo. Although I’ve been told they both taste like chicken, few…

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Snow Buddies Business

The Paper of Montgomery County

Ah, alas, the first big snowfall of the year. I love standing on my deck in the tranquil dawning of a new snowstorm, watching the horizontal white blur layer the yard in its downy nuzzle. The quietude of the swirling milky crystals is dis-turbed solely by the howling wind, whose turbulence kicks snow into big…

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On the street where I live

The Paper of Montgomery County

I was waiting my turn, the other day, southbound at a “redneck round-a-bout”. There a millions of these intersections, located throughout the world. We used to call them “four-way stops,” but stopping is quite optional these days. Not only that, not slowing down before not stopping is quickly becoming the popular uptrend. Lest you think…

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I’m activated: Bank on it

The Paper of Montgomery County

Each January the small bank in my hometown –– The Loanly Bank and Mistrust –– attracts new customers to their banking services by offering premium gifts to anyone signing for a loan or opening a new account. To anyone opening a savings account, the bank will bestow a $25 gift card to Sleepy Joe’s coffee…

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