Timmons updates this, that & ‘tuther

Notes found scribbled on the back of an EKG printout . . .

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In the immortal words of Gomer Pyle, thank you, thank you, thank you! In my wildest dreams I never imagined hearing from so many of you. There have literally been hundreds of messages – and heck, most of them were even friendly!

From e-mails to phone calls to get well cards and even a nice picture of Jesus standing behind the surgeon you guys have touched my ailing heart. I’ll never be able to adequately say thanks. You have given this newspaper vagabond many smiles and even a few tears – happy ones!

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THE BIG question I get most often is how did the surgery go. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the hospital. First, and a so sincere (NOT!) thank you to former President Obama and his wonderful healthcare plan, the surgery had to be authorized by the insurance company. In fairness, I get it. This ain’t gonna be a cheap process. But it also wasn’t like I was going in for a nose job. You might think bypass surgery gets some priority.

In all fairness, I should also point out that my wife and I asked for a short delay because we were in the middle of moving – but that didn’t have anything to do with the insurance snafus we went through for two weeks.

After that got worked out, I got COVID. No, I am not making this up. Heck, I still don’t have all my sense of smell back.

So finally, everything was set to go for Monday, Jan. 31. However, a nurse called me the night before and said that the surgeon had an emergency heart transplant come up, so my surgery was postponed.

I certainly understand the magnitude of what that meant to two different families. One got the worst news they could get while the other family, who I assume had been waiting for a miracle of their own, got great news.

My operation pales in comparison and I absolutely get that.

But let me back up 48 hours.

I went to the hospital for some pre-op testing and blood work Friday. In addition, the hospital gave me a bunch of instructions on what I could and could not do for the two days leading up to the big event. That included giving me a powerful soap (that had a sting to it) and specific instructions on scrub-rub-a-dubbing everywhere from the neck down. Heck, they even handed me a couple of brushes so that I could get under finger and toe nails – and in and around my nether regions! (Did I mention it stung?)

After getting it all done and dried off, I stood beet red and feeling a little liked a potato that had been cleaned with a wire brush before going in the oven. There was only one thing left to do. I had to apply a glob of gooey ointment on a swab stick and coat the inside of both nostrils. To be fair, it wasn’t hard – just weird and a little gross. But after 38 years of marriage, I have learned to follow instructions. So I dutifully completed that last task.

And then the nurse called . . .

Like I said, gotta smile about this.

The following week the hospital called to set things up again and, you know the rest, we got hit with snow and ice and everything shut down.

I could not make this up if I wanted to!

So now, everything is back on. They tell me we’re set for Feb. 24. Well, that’s the schedule. I just heard that the insurance has to give its blessing again . . .

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I HAVE purposely not mentioned names of anyone who’ve sent in well wishes. Most wouldn’t care, but I did get one note that specifically asked me to keep their name private. It came from a politician who I have taken to task both privately and in this space more than once. However, they did not ask that I keep the message from you, so I want to share the following:

“You are wrong more often than you are right, but I hope that you come through this surgery with flying colors and you return to work soon. You write that we need more civil debate and on that note you and I agree. There is much value in your questions and I will miss them while you are gone. Of course, as soon as you come back and commence your writings again, I will be happy to tell you how wrong you are once more.”

Thanks! (I think.)

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NOT SURE WHAT this means, but I have not been watching the national news on Fox, CNN and the other usual suspects. And wouldn’t you know it but my blood pressure has gone down. Coincidence? I think not.

Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears periodically on Wednesdays in The Paper. Timmons is the publisher of The Paper and can be contacted at [email protected].