Butch Plans New Jobs for National Politicians!

You know, folks, I will admit it. I have been very critical of our national politicians recently. Maybe I rushed to judgement. I just don’t know if these people were nincompoops and liars before they were elected…or they became that way after they were elected. Only an idiot would go into politics nowadays, so perhaps they suffered brain damage in childhood. Who knows? But then it dawned on me. Perhaps our current politicians are good, decent human beings. What if they just chose the wrong occupation? So for their own benefit, for the sake of our country’s future, and by the grace of God, I have selected the most appropriate occupations for our most infamous political figures… you know, the ones we can’t seem to shake:

1. BERNIE SANDERS…Hot air balloon salesman (since he has plenty of hot air to go around), 2nd choice: Carnival “barker” at ring toss tent (not sure if they have carnivals in Russia though)

2. ELIZABETH WARREN…Country music singer (only sings one song “Cherokee people, Cherokee tribe…so proud I lived, so proud I LIED”)

3. BETO O’ROURKE…Supervisor of gun confiscation program (he will go door-to-door and personally confiscate all firearms from legal gun owners, starting in his home state of Texas…Good luck, Beto, you’re going to need it!)

4. KAMALA HARRIS…Children’s author of new series entitled “Giggles” (various titles: Giggles Visits the Border, Giggles Visits Ukraine, Giggles Has the Giggles, etc…the kids will love it!)

5. NANCY PELOSI…Financial Adviser for Congressmen who need insider trading information (her husband can vouch for her), 2nd choice: Professional paper shredder (and Donald Trump can vouch for that one)

6. BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON…Professional hit team for the mob (hey, don’t laugh…so far they haven’t missed…ten “mysterious” deaths and counting)

7. DONALD TRUMP…New owner of Twitter, Tik-Tok, and Facebook (he will announce that he is the only person allowed on those sites)

8. GAVIN NEWSOM…Captain of the new TV Love Boat (every one will feel good…until he institutes a new boat tax, makes everyone wear a mask, lets felons board for free, and the boat sinks)

9. MAXINE WATERS…Halloween scary mask designer (she could sell millions of just her mug alone, and keep paying her daughter with campaign funds!)

10. RAND PAUL AND TED CRUZ…Professional complainers (they have plenty of practice on FOX News)

11. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO CORTEZ…Bartender (her former occupation…Dear God, why couldn’t she have stuck with it?)

12. BARACK OBAMA…Host of new TV show called “Greatest Liars of the 21st Century” (perfect fit!), 2nd choice: Community activist in Timbuktu, or any country in the world that will take him…we are willing to pay them)

13. MIKE HUCKABEE…Star of the new TV version of “Captain Kangaroo” (NEWT GINGRICH can be “Mr. Greenjeans”!)

14. ILHAN OMAR…bomb maker for Palestinian terrorists, 2nd choice: Food taster for North Korean leader Kim Jong-un

15. CHUCK SCHUMER and ADAM SCHIFF…unemployed (can’t find them a job…sorry, no one likes them)

16. SARAH PALIN, TULSI GABBARD, AND NIKKI HALEY…stars of the recreated TV show “Charlie’s Angels.” (GEORGE W. BUSH could portray Bosley and MIKE PENCE could be Charlie…he has the perfect John Forsythe hair!)

17. AL GORE…Inventor (perhaps design a solar-powered jet for himself instead of polluting the atmosphere with his current private jet so he won’t be a hypocrite any more)

And last, but not least…18. Joe Biden…greeter at Wal-Mart (he could mumble all day to himself and no one would notice it, and if lucky, someone might shake his hand when he sticks it out this time; however, if he says, “C’mon, man, read the polls, Jack”, he will need a teleprompter so he can say, “Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart.”…and hopefully he won’t say that when people are LEAVING).

Well, those are my suggestions. These politicians would be happier at jobs in which they can succeed. Our country can get out of its rut and move forward. And we can all let out a big sigh of relief. It’s a WIN-WIN for everyone!

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.