My Life In A Tropical Depression

I do not like summer. There. I admit it and if any of my friends or family read this, I know you are giving me the stink-eye. I realize there are people who suffer greatly in the cold winter months; people who must work outside, people who have systemic inflammation and experience an increase in pain during frigid temperatures and those who are plagued with SAD, otherwise known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD affects an estimated 10 million Americans, with women four times more likely to be diagnosed with it than men.) I, on the other hand, enjoy the cold weather immensely. I actually become giddy at the first snowfall and pile on layers so I can run around in the white stuff. In the summer, I become morose just walking to my car, especially when the humidity grabs me like a gooey glob. I just want to go back to bed, turn on my fan and sleep. Then I feel guilty because I am supposed to be out “doing something.” I mean, isn’t summer the time of productivity? 

A lot is written on the effects of SAD. It is even recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a Major Depressive Disorder with seasonal changes.  A few studies indicate SAD typically starts in late fall and lasts until early spring.  Researchers point to several reasons why approximately 4 to 5 percent of the population experience this occurrence, some of which are: biological clock change, shift in the balance of brain chemistry (such as the production of serotonin), vitamin D deficiency, overproduction of Melatonin and an increase in negative thoughts. The onset of SAD begins in the late teens to early 30s and tends to recur every year.

I just figured I was a weirdo, since most people look at me as if I’ve sprouted wings and a third eye when I say I can’t stand the heat. Turns out, I’m not alone in my aversion to June, July and August. Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing! It is rare and comes with its own set of symptoms such as: agitation, restlessness, anxiety, decreased appetite and weight loss, violent outbursts and difficulty sleeping. (Data collected on my own symptoms indicate four out of seven occurring. I am not violent and I sure as heck haven’t lost any weight!) Other factors may include loss of interaction with others (true in my case, especially when I worked in the schools)  Eddie Cochran rants about it in his song, “Summertime Blues” released in 1959 when he can’t call his girlfriend for a date because he has to get a summertime job to earn spending money. He wails “there ain’t no cure” and tries to take it up with his Congressman and the United Nations.

According to a current article appearing in Medical News Today, Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder is most likely attributed to extended daylight hours and the reduced production of melatonin, a hormone which regulates the sleep cycle. This is the opposite of the winter induced Seasonal Affective Disorder which researchers believe is triggered by the reduction of daylight. Another potential factor is the increase in allergies triggered by pollen and judging from the number of  high pollen alerts I have received on my phone this summer, it’s a wonder I am not in a fetal position somewhere.

I do not want to make light (no pun intended) of my depression, but I do want to be honest about the reality of living with this chronic and sometimes crippling mental health disorder. Summertime is not the only season I experience depression, but it certainly ratchets up a level or two in the hot summer solstice. As for me, I am a high-functioning depressive. At lease that is how I refer to the rattle and hum of my daily existence. My second cousin on my father’s side, Patsy, calls it “melancholy.” That describes it, too. Most of the time, depression seems like a hum. It is a white noise that grows louder in the silence. My figure-ground life tunes it up or down. It attenuates to what is happening in the present and I am able to override any higher level humming by distraction or sleep. The rattle comes infrequently, but when it does, the urge to pull back from everyday life blips across my psyche like sonar in a submarine. I watch it flash red across my mind until it fades. So I endure the hum and ignore the rattle when I can. I am able to will myself to go out into the world and fake it at times. When I cannot, I stay home. I don’t always see it coming, but now I realize it is best acknowledge my feeling, sit with it and let it pass, which it does. I have had the benefit of skilled counselors and medication to help regulate the peaks and valleys that come with chronic depression.

It is with trepidation I bring this up, but I believe it is important to talk openly about something that impacts so many. As recently as the first two weeks in July of 2022, up to 23.2 percent of adults more than 18 years of age in the United States reported symptoms of depressive disorder. That is almost one-fourth of the population! I know these are tough times and there is a lot to feel hopeless about, but I cannot end the conversation here. I must reiterate what I have learned myself and then give some tips to those of you who live with those who experience the sometimes debilitating effects of depression.

If you experience bouts of depression, seek out a counselor to help walk you through strategies to regulate your down times. Sometimes just talking it out with a trusted friend can help, but if you are considering self-harm or the depression is relentless, you need a professional guide.

Know you are not alone. Almost everyone has down times. However, if the down days impact your ability to function, it is time to seek outside assistance.

Talk with your doctor about all of the options for alleviating the symptoms of depression. Sometimes depression can be situational and will disappear when a situation resolves. Other types of depression are chronic and can be caused by imbalances in a person’s chemistry. A person who has a relative with depression is almost five times more likely to experience depression than those who have no family history of depressive episodes.

I am not a licensed professional, just someone who has been in the trenches with a diagnosed depressive mood disorder most of the last three decades of my life. Soon, the tropical depression will lift: I’ve experienced a mood shift in the past week with the onset of cooler temperatures. I will be thinking of my warm weather lovers when I am bundled up making snow angels with my Grands or cross-country skiing along the trails around our house. I’ll be sure and wave when I slide on by!

Gwynn Wills is a former speech therapist, certified Amherst Writers and Artists workshop Affiliate and Leader and founder of The Calliope Writers Group. After growing up in Crawfordsville, her and her husband returned several years ago.