Butch Is Up-To-Date On Technology !

My wife and kids think I live in the past. They want me to keep up with all of the modern technology. Well, I just keep telling them that I have all of the modern technology that I want or need…for instance….

(1) SMARTPHONE…Yes, I have a “smart” phone…my wife’s old flip phone. I can receive calls, even though most of the calls are fraudulent. My wife doesn’t answer her smartphone if she does not recognize the number. I can answer all of my calls because the caller cannot steal any information. There is no information on it! It is also very small, and I can carry it in my front pocket. No chance of “butt-dialing!” Now that’s a smart phone!

(2) APPS…We used to have an “app.” In fact, it’s name was Appy. But that horse died several years ago of old age. Now my granddaughter has a quarterhorse. It’s name is Tia, and she rides it here at our farm. Beautiful horse…no app needed.

(3) BLACKBERRY…I have blackberry…It’s Smuckers fruit spread, which I use each morning on my whole wheat muffins. In fact, I also have Smuckers raspberry and Welch’s grape jelly…so I’m good!

(4) BLUETOOTH…I don’t have bluetooth per se, but I did have an abscessed tooth two weeks ago. My face was turning blue from the pain, but my dentist took care of it. Thanks, Dr. Walker!

(5) FACEBOOK…”It’s great to connect with others.” So I am told. When I “connect” with someone, I prefer actual “in person face-to-face” communication. And at my age, I would certainly like to DISCONNECT with a few people. I enjoy talking with people every day at the library. But at home, I want to be left alone…I have a FACE, somewhat wrinkled at age 73, and I have a good BOOK to read each evening…problem solved!

(6) TWITTER…Yes, I have many twitters…mostly finches, robins, swallows, doves, red-tailed hawks, and even a few hummingbirds at our house and farm. And this spring, we had our first bald eagle! Whoopee!

(7) TIK TOK…I have one of these at the library…a beautiful grandfather clock that has been here since the library was built in 1915. I have listened to its calming ticking sound for the last 33 years. I wind it up every three days…I love it!

(8) TABLET…I don’t have very many tablets…just plain old aspirin…because I am…”knock knock”…in very good health. However, if I do become ill, I promise to get some prescription tablets if necessary. Now if you want me to buy one of those computer tablets, forget it. And whoever decided to have school children use tablets instead of books…needs to be fired!

(9) VIDEO STREAMING…I watch reruns of “Tales of Wells Fargo” at 6:30pm as I eat supper, and then watch the weather report at 10:30pm. That’s pretty much it. Except, I do watch “Hoosiers” and “Forrest Gump” on our DVD player every once in a while. I also like “Viva Las Vegas” with Elvis and Ann-Margret. Any questions? And no, I do not stare at Ann-Margret. Well, maybe a little.

(10) DNA TESTING…Yes, I guess some people are a little too inquisitive about their ancestral background. I am a Dale. Everyone says I look like a Dale. I am satisfied with that. I would hate to have DNA testing done, and find out that my real father was the Fuller Brush salesman. Bummer.

Well, as you can see, I have arrived in the future. All is well…..

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.