Butch Just Can’t Figure Things Out Money-Wise

A few miscellaneous observations from an old-timer….

Just about everyone has been to an auction at least once in their life. Some of you go to several auctions each year. Just can’t resist…right? You might find a bargain. The last auction I attended, I had to pay a 15% “buyer’s premium.” What’s that all about? I don’t have to pay extra to buy items in a store. Buyers usually get carried away and bid more than what the items are worth anyway. What doofus thought of this surcharge? From now on, I am going to charge the auctioneer and owner $100.00 for showing my ID and registering to buy. Sounds fair to me.

Speaking of paying extra, my wife and I actually went to a movie a couple of months ago at Lafayette’s Eastside 10. Two tickets, one medium popcorn, one medium drink…THIRTY DOLLARS. Slightly higher than the 25 cents for a ticket and 10 cents for popcorn that I paid at the Sunshine Theater in Darlington in 1957, and back then a fountain Coke was a dime at the drug store. We didn’t buy any candy at this movie either….Junior Mints $5.00 a box! That must be why the theater keeps candy in a locked glass case…it’s like looking at items at a ritzy store jewelry counter. “My wife just wants to see what Milk Duds look like in her hand, but we can’t afford them right now. I’m saving my money to buy her some for our anniversary.”

I go to my doctor for an annual checkup once a year. The only reason I go is because I have a prescription. The nurse weighs me, takes my blood pressure, and checks my heartbeat. I then sit in a tiny, cold room for 15-20 minutes until the physician shows up with his laptop. “How are things going?”….”Fine.” “Any problems lately?”…”No.” “Do you want a prostate exam?”…”No.” “How’s Connie?”…”Great, still working full-time, just like me.” “Well, sounds good. We need to get a blood sample, and I’ll see you next year.” Total bill….$286.00. In the good old days, Darlington’s Dr. Otten charged $2.00 for a visit. One time, Dr. Humphreys spent ten hours saving my life after I drank from a stream and contracted a severe bacterial infection. He charged $8.00.

This past Friday we bought our weekly groceries…$203.46. Then on Saturday we bought a Christmas tree…a real tree…for the first time in twenty years…$105.00. The next day we went Christmas shopping in Lafayette…got just a few items for the grandkids…$185.00. After we were done, we ate at a restuarant on Teal Road…$34.50. I then stopped at Payless Grocery to pick up six items which we had forgot to buy on Friday…$42.56. The gas gauge on our SUV registered 1/4th tank, so I decided to fill it up before we headed back home….ding, ding, ding…the pump rang up $74.83. Oh well, it’s only money, right.

I started home…and then turned back. I forgot to buy my weekly lottery ticket. I have been using the same numbers forever. I just know I am going to win one of these days. I need a couple of $$ million. I am going to sock it away. When I am 99 years old in 2047, I might want to go to an auction, see a movie, go Christmas shopping….and get a prostate exam.

John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.