Butch Says Some Kids Today Rule The Family

Somewhere along the line, the family hierarchy got out of whack. Do you remember when the parents ruled the roost? Yes, I know it was in prehistoric times…pre-1960, but reach back into the recesses of your brain and try to recall how different it was back then. Here is my own personal version of childhood and family structure…

I was born, unfortunately “ass-backwards,” (breech birth) which may have been a precursor of things to come, in 1948. For the first few years, I depended on my parents for everything. Being the first-born, I likely was overindulged and showered with a lot of attention, because at age 4, I decided that I would be in charge, and I could do anything that pleased me. This did not work out too well the first time, when I cut a light cord in two with a pair of scissors. After that incident, I discovered that a yardstick can be used for things other than measuring. When I loaded up Dad’s shotgun and fired a round off at the age of 7, I also discovered that a belt can be removed from a pair of jeans very quickly. I could go on, but you get the idea. It was trial and error on my part, but I eventually learned that dastardly deeds and bratty behavior have repercussions. A very common parental command was, “Bend over and grab your ankles,” followed by these often heard statements: (1) “Maybe one of these days you’ll learn.” (2) “I don’t want to have to tell you again.” (3) “You’d better keep your trap shut.” (4) “Wipe that smile off your face.” (5) “God gave you a brain…now use it.” and (6) “I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.” (I wasn’t quite sure I understood that one.) Now I’m not suggesting that corporal punishment should be used, but it worked on me, and it was common “back in the day.”

By the time I was in junior high, I was headed straight, although there were a few bumps in the road. I lived in the house. I worked on our farm. I attended Sunday school. I ate everything on my plate. I went to bed when they told me to. I did not complain. If I did not bother my parents, they would not bother me. Most of the time they never even knew where I was at or what I was doing. I rode my bike (and later my scooter) all over the countryside. I fished at nearby gravel pits (and didn’t know how to swim). I spent time with friends. I spent time in town. I participated in all of the school sports at my own choosing. Sometimes Dad watched…sometimes he didn’t. Whether I did well or not, he never praised me…or criticized me. That was the coach’s job. Mom never attended any of my games, as she was too busy managing the household and taking care of my four brothers and sisters. I had no pressure at all…it was great! No “participation trophies.” No treats or special awards for straight-A grade card reports. No elaborate and expensive birthday parties. No allowance. No seat belts. No helmets…And at age 16, no car of my own. “Son, we can’t afford it. That’s life. You’ll manage.”

It’s a whole different world today for many families when it comes to child-raising. Some kids are overprotected, over gratified, and downright pampered. You have undoubtedly seen children who are showered with attention and praise, are sheltered from frustration and painful experiences, and are never told “no.” There is no balance, and often no boundaries. Have you ever seen parents in a public place pleading, bargaining, and bribing their kids to straighten up when the kids throw their little tantrums? Whining and uncooperative? Screaming? Annoying? Demanding? These behaviors can last a long time, and some kids just never grow up to be able to function on their own. My generation couldn’t wait to leave home. Many grown-up kids today want to stay right where they are. Why not…they’ve got it made…Mommy and Daddy will take care of their every need!

Parents used to say, “You are my child and I love you, but you do not make the rules. I make the rules, and you obey the rules.” In addition, “Yes, you are a special part of our family, but that doesn’t mean you are entitled to do anything you want. You need to be fair, earn your keep, and learn to do things yourself. If you try and fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. If you misbehave, there will be consequences.”

And the best advice I ever received…”You can do anything you set your mind to do.” Thanks Mom and Dad…

– John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 32 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.