Butch Sees Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

  Last week I drove a friend to a doctor’s appointment in Fishers…SR 32 to I-65 to 465 East, and then into the maize of exits, side roads, one-ways and roundabouts. Signs lined all of the highways and byways. It reminded me of the 1970 hit “Signs” by a group called the Five Man Electrical Band. Remember them? No, I don’t either…

   “Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…Blockin’ out the scenery…Breakin’ my mind…Don’t do this, don’t do that…Can’t you read the sign?”

   The traffic on the interstates was frightening. Cars and trucks going 70-80 miles an hour, bumper-to-bumper in spots. At one accident scene, vehicles were backed up for three miles. Read the signs? I just tried to concentrate on not being run over. My friend had GPS navigation on his phone, so he just told me where to go at each leg of the trip. On the return trip, I took a country road to Noblesville and followed SR 32 all the way back. Lots more stops, but definitely safer. No GPS needed…”old school” driving.

   For all of the crazy drivers, I suggest INDOT place some giant Burma Shave signs on the interstates. For those of you who are too young to remember, Burma Shave was a shaving cream way back when. The company came up with the idea of placing small advertising signs at the edge of highways to draw the attention of passing motorists. There were usually five red and white signs, often comical in nature, or featuring a safety message, with a reference to the product on the last sign. For instance…

   “If you think…she likes your bristles…walk bare-footed…through some thistles…Burma Shave.”

   “She eyed his beard…and said no dice…the weddings off…I’ll cook the rice…Burma Shave”

   “No, no she said…to her bristly beau…I’d rather eat…the mistletoe…Burma Shave”

   “The big blue tube…is like Louise…you get a thrill…from every squeeze…Burma Shave”

   Here are some safety signs they used:

   “Is he lonesome…or just blind…this guy who drives…so close behind?…Burma Shave”

   “The one who drives…when he’s been drinking…depends on you…to do his thinking…Burma Shave.”

   “If daisies are…your favorite flower…keep pushin’ up…those miles per hour…Burma Shave”

   “Don’t lose your head…to gain a minute…you need your head…your brains are in it…Burma Shave”

   “Drove too long…driver snoozing…what happened next…was not amusing…Burma Shave”

   “Thirty days…hath September…April, June…and the speed offender…Burma Shave”

   At one time there were over 7,000 sets of these signs all over the country, but when the interstate system came along in the 1950s and ’60s, car speeds increased, and the small Burma Shave signs eventually were discontinued. A unique part of Americana advertising was no more.

   When I returned home, I breathed a sigh of relief. I feel sorry for anyone who must drive in that interstate metro traffic each day. And it also made me appreciate even more why I chose to live in good old rural, small town Montgomery County … so here is my new sign…

   “A country road … is fun to drive … keep off the interstate … and stay alive … Burma Shave.”

   John “Butch” Dale is a retired teacher and County Sheriff. He has also been the librarian at Darlington the past 36 years, and is a well-known artist and author of local history.