PHOTO BOMB!!

This could only happen to me. And it did.

I got a new iPhone. It has a lot of new features which are wasted on me because I am a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, so I don’t need a lot of bells and whistles.

However, the camera does have some neat photography enhancements, which I was particularly interested in, as we were going to Iceland and I wanted to bring home more than just a bad cold. As you will see, I don’t have an eye for photography, but I do have a foot for it.

I was sitting on the couch, my legs propped up on the coffee table, snapping photos and learning how to switch between landscape mode, portrait mode, night mode, slow-motion mode, and, for pastry fans, pie à la mode.

To test the camera’s precision and light sensitivity, I took a photo of the TV screen I was watching. But because I am a lousy photographer, it ended up as a photo of both my legs and feet. So, I deleted it. I thought.

After completing my self-tutorial, I went to Facebook to check on a few friends, and there was the photo I had just taken.  How did it get there? What did I click?  I had no idea. As perplexed as I was, I didn’t panic. There was nothing lascivious about the picture. Unless you have a thing for feet. I was innocent of any indiscretion. I was also confident that, even with my limited technical prowess, it would be easy to delete a photo on Facebook, but in this case, I discovered that I had inadvertently created a video for Instagram, called a reel. I could see my feet twitching.

Before I could respond to the problem, our friends Bob and Cathy called me. They saw the photo on Facebook and wondered why I was wearing white socks before Easter.  Bob wanted to know how many of my little piggies went to the market, and how many went to Instagram.

This is not my first goof online. Years ago, when I was testing my acumen with Twitter, I sent a message to myself with just my name to see if I was doing everything correctly. I also accidentally sent it to about 500 Facebook friends.

 I got some irritating responses:

Bad column. No plot development.

It’s always about you, isn’t it?

Rotten story, hated the main character.

Dick, I used your name for a week instead of mine. You can have it back.

I tried and tried to delete the photo of my legs and feet, but I must have been doing something wrong because it wouldn’t go away. In the meantime, I had 50 likes, then 85, then 120. This yielded more responses than I had ever received for my weekly column.

Once again, I got annoying comments:

In a contest for the worst photographer in the world, you’re a shoe-in.

I usually get a kick out of your stuff, but this is ridiculous.

As they say in show biz: “Break a leg.”

And my favorite: “This photo stinks in more ways than one.”

Finally, the photo magically disappeared. I was tired of all the stupid leg and foot jokes, so I was happy the reel was finally amputated. I mean deleted.