2-18-26

Surprises, Common Sense Catch Him Off Guard

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I hate winter. Is hate too strong a term?  Do snowmen have cold . . . tummies?

So once the weather starts turning, I start counting down the days to spring. Yes, yes, I know. Don’t wish your life away. But when it comes to scraping windshields, windchills below zero and weeks without sunshine . . . well, why NOT wish for better days?

This is about when I start getting hopeful. Spring is still a full 30-days away – and I am certainly aware that the magic of March 20 doesn’t guarantee we won’t have another blizzard. But there’s something about getting past the middle of February that inspires hope. Maybe the worst is over? Maybe? Please!

Dunno. What I do know is my mood gets better and I’m ready and waiting for the spring thaw and the first robin. Yessiree Bob, I was in a good mood, had some music on in the office and was just wrapping up a few things this fine Saturday morning when –

AIIIIIYEEEE!

Standing in the door of the otherwise deserted office was the massive John Hammer. If you don’t know him, Hammer is a man who I think would make Shaq look small. No, I’ve never met Shaq or stood beside him, but I can’t imagine any human being bigger than John Hammer – either in life or in spirit. John is as red, white and blue as they come and suffers fools about as well as I suffer cold weather. He’s worked hard all his life and looks it. His voice is as rough as a leftover corncob in November.

“What does ‘you do you’ mean Timmons?” he boomed – although I’m sure it was his indoor voice even though it sounded like a full battery from a battleship.

“John, do you ever stop to think that I’ve had one heart attack and take medication every day to try and hold off any more?” I snapped. “You sneaking up on me doesn’t help you know.”

He just stared.

“It means that someone should be themselves, I guess. I don’t know. It’s not really a phrase I use.”

“Is there an option?” he asked. “Can someone be someone other than who they are?”

I had to laugh.

“Are you not keeping up on today’s world, John? I think all sorts of people are trying to be all sorts of different things.”

He waved that off with a hand the size of small farm animal.

“I’m not talking about that, Timmons. I get the idea that people are individuals. Hell, that’s a good thing. What I don’t get is why anyone thinks that just because they think something or stand for something or oppose something, it means a damn thing to me. This world would be a lot better off if we all left each other alone and minded our own business.”

Hammer was doing a real comedy act today.

“Sure John,” I laughed again. “And while we’re at it, maybe we can make social media less poisonous, stop everyone from talking about everyone else and bring peace to the Middle East. John, this has been going on since the Garden of Eden hung out its first vacancy sign. I don’t think you’re going to change it.”

“Not trying to Timmons. Truth is, I don’t care what others do. I wish they’d understand when they’re you doing you it comes with consequences – but end of day, it’s their consequences, not mine. I just want them to stop telling me that I have to agree with them.”

“Hang on John. I think we’re supposed to be tolerant and accepting in today’s-”

“That’s where you’re wrong Timmons. I don’t have to accept, tolerate or like any of it. I’ll grant you that anyone can live any which way they want. It’s really not my business. And it surely doesn’t have a thing to do with me. If I see them in the store or on the street, we don’t have to interact, don’t have to agree or disagree. It’s their life and they can do as they please.”

He paused.

“But so can I. And I’m getting pretty sick and tired of one side or the other telling me what I have to do just to get along. I’ll take care of myself and my family Timmons. You do you if you want. Just don’t let ‘you’ start stepping on ‘me.’

With that he turned and left. Let everyone be themselves so long as they don’t push that on others? What a concept.

Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears periodically on Wednesdays in The Paper. Timmons is the publisher of The Paper and can be contacted at ttimmons@thepaper24-7.com.