SEAT OF POWER!

Dick Wolfsie

On our recent vacation, the weather was so bad one night that we decided to see a movie. Our selection had received great reviews. But just to be sure, I lingered outside the entrance to overhear what people were saying as they left the theater.

Sometimes, at restaurants, I also like to gauge public opinion. I’ll tell my wife I need to go to the men’s room. But it’s just an excuse to walk around and look at people’s food. I am very discreet, although I occasionally do ask for a taste.

But, back to the theater. Here’s what I heard people saying as they left…

“That was awesome.”

“Best time I have had in a theater.”

“What a night. A movie never felt that good.”

To hear such universal raves is uncommon, so I decided to question one of the patrons. “Was the film really that good?” I asked.

“No, it was just mediocre, but those new seats? Wow! Never had such a great evening,” said one lady.

“The most fun I have had sitting,” said another patron.

My wife and I were eager to see what all the talk was about. We walked inside and there they were: The Regal King-Size Recliners. Yes, movie theater seats with a La-Z-Boy feel.  “This is awesome,” I said. “It looks like the chair Captain Kirk sat in when he was negotiating with a Klingon or preparing to enter a black hole.”

Now, most movie theaters have ergonomic, adjustable seats, but this theater went the extra mile.  The manager told me that people sitting in these seats actually enjoyed watching a rerun of Halle Berry in Catwoman.

The seats were huge—nice and leathery with a remote button that lets you adjust the chair waaaay down, making your back almost parallel to the floor, assuming you want to look at the ceiling. You can also bend your knees and then raise the lower part of your body.  I was so excited I didn’t know where to put myself. Literally.

We watched the movie. The name of it was…?  It was about…? The lead actor was…?  Actually, I remember nothing about the movie.  My wife, by the way, liked the new seats, but there was a problem.

“Well. That’s the last time we go to that theater,” she said.

“Why? Name one thing you didn’t like.”

“Your snoring.”

“Look, Mary Ellen, you can’t put a guy like me in a reclining position and expect me to stay awake.”

“Don’t remind me of our honeymoon. By the way, you also fiddled with that remote every 20 seconds, trying every position imaginable. I was a little embarrassed when the guy behind you asked if you could spread your knees apart so he could see the screen.”

“Is that it?”

“Let’s see. If you said ‘Beam me up, Scotty,’ one more time I was going to scream.”

When the movie ended, there was chatter in the lobby about the new chairs. People were posting photos online. There was talk of a hashtag: #awesomemovieseats. The chairs even had their own Facebook page.

Oh, and by the way, the cup holders are huge.  They can even hold a small bag of popcorn or a hot dog, which is great. I don’t like going to sleep on an empty stomach.