Have You Herd Of G.O.A.T.s?

Want to know who the G.O.A.T. is (The Greatest of All Time) for any particular endeavor? If you google G.O.A.T. for baseball announcers, there is little disagreement.  Number one is Vin Scully. Scully passed away recently at the age of 94. He called Dodgers games for 67 years, both in Brooklyn and L.A. He wasn’t…

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I’ve Got A Running Total

“Where are you?” asked my wife when she called me on my cell phone one afternoon. “I’m in Walmart,” I answered. “Oh. Are you running errands?” “No, just running…or jogging, to be more precise. Running in the aisles is not permitted. I just heard a mother say that to her kid.” “Why are you doing…

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Permission Has Been Granted

My church’s men’s group recently had a discussion about who was the boss in our homes.  Many of the members had never thought about it and didn’t know how to respond. I told them I was sure I was the boss, but I wanted to check with my wife to see if she agreed with…

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600 Words To The Wise!

MONDAY: People sometimes ask me if I can finish a column in one sitting (like I do with Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast) or if I dabble with it, like my wife’s spinach soufflé. I’ve used both methods, but the pressure of completing a story in one day has taken its toll. I’m not as young…

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Base Behavior

Did you read the story about the father and son who attended a professional baseball game together and in the fifth inning rushed the field and beat the pulp out of the first-base coach? One of the excuses offered by the father was that the first-base coach was making obscene gestures. Had these guys never…

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Trash Talking Trash

When I was a kid, after dinner we cleared the table and scraped whatever was left on our plates into a kitchen garbage bag. That bag was then dumped in one of two huge metal drums on the side of our house that were below ground. Not buried treasure: buried trash. On Mondays some guy…

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Grilling the Neighbors about Grilling

The July 4th weekend cookout is just around the corner and we are planning a barbeque with some friends at our house. That was not the original plan, but turns out we were not invited to the cookout around the corner. “Are you cooking with gas or charcoal this weekend?” asked a buddy of mine.…

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My Marriage in Jeopardy

For decades, Mary Ellen and I have been fans of the show Jeopardy.  Every night at 7:30 we watch to see how long it takes for us to feel really stupid. I often say, I used to know that but I forgot, which is pretty much the same thing as not knowing the answer…I mean…

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Meditation Repudiation

Mary Ellen and I just got back from a trip to visit my sister and brother. In my sister’s lovely condominium in Great Neck, New York, she has a little windowed room off her kitchen that’s no more than 6 by 8 feet. In that room she meditates every day, and she claims she has…

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Spreading the News

Whenever I read a newspaper article that begs to become the basis of my next humor column, I cut it out and save it.  Then I forget where I put it.  (I also do that with car titles, birth certificates, and my life insurance policy.)  But here’s one rich article I did find on my…

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